The Empress Theodora began her life from what was considered amongst the lowliest of stations in Rome and worked her way through the social ranks to become the most powerful woman in Rome and, indeed, one of the most powerful women in Roman history. What drew me to her was that she was a woman who was both intelligent and highly skilled in the art of seduction and she used these talents to raise herself to a station where she could positively affect the lives of other women like her - prostitutes, single mothers with children, women who faced serious health and physical safety risks that she, herself, was all too familiar with. Theodora's childhood, where her mother prostrated herself before the crowds as she had no other alternative to find help to raise her children, taught Theodora that she, herself, must take control over her own destiny or others would forever rule her life for her.
My work with her this year largely around strategizing on where my path will go. My year began where I was in a place I didn't want to be in. I was there because I had let my path progress there without any real efforts at direction on my part and others were directing my life for me, whether it was intentional on their part or not. I had issues with my home, with my job, with my finances and being able to keep my head above water. In all of these cases, I had never taken the reins to strategize and direct what I wanted to have happen in these areas can because of that, my life was being ruled by them in ways that were suffocating me. Rather than trying to escape or ignore what was happening, i resolved to take these things back under my control. I moved out of my crappy housing situation. I started taking steps to repair all my financial issues (taxes and other debts owed). I also started to actively plan what I wanted my work life to look like beyond just praying that the hop between one contract job and another wouldn't end up just drowning me financially.
Theodora was also a woman who loved with a great depth of passion that may not have always been apparent to anyone except the person she directed her love towards. Theodora loved Justinian and, staying true to her roots, her bear mother came out when Justinian's rule and life were threatened - she stepped up, spoke out with great passion, and rallied Justinian's men to do for him what she could not (to fight the oncoming uprising and save the Empire). Together, Theodora and Justinian ruled Rome in a (mostly) just manner.
Theodora was also a woman who loved with a great depth of passion that may not have always been apparent to anyone except the person she directed her love towards. Theodora loved Justinian and, staying true to her roots, her bear mother came out when Justinian's rule and life were threatened - she stepped up, spoke out with great passion, and rallied Justinian's men to do for him what she could not (to fight the oncoming uprising and save the Empire). Together, Theodora and Justinian ruled Rome in a (mostly) just manner.
Theodora taught me that it's OK to be an independent woman who also accepts help as she needs it. In her case, Theodora accepted help from those who she felt were capable - Justinian's Uncle, Justinian himself, and a few others. It's the way in which her relationship with Justinian helped her become even more independent that I was interested in. For the first time, I have a partner in my life who is capable of providing help in many ways and is a solver of problems. It's been a tough road for me to feel like I can trust someone else to "take care of me" but P-Love has done this for me, many times, in the few years that we have been together. And, as I learn to trust him, he learns to trust me, and when we start working on a shared goal together, we do really good work together.
In the years to come, I'm looking forward to continuing my work with Theodora as my dedicated ancestress.
For my Goddess work, I chose to work with Hekate. We've had a bit of an interesting relationship as initially my work with her came through my serving on the CAYA South Bay Full Moon Circles and the Grove of Hekate. Though I was serving Her publicly, I had always wanted to try working with Her in a more personal manner. So, when I started to try and commune with Her, I always thought that She was saying to me, "You're not mine", which would indicate to me that my personal work with Her was not to be. What I've come to learn is that Her voice, the one that speaks to me was really being obscured by the voice of Her that others hear and so, in that respect it's true that I was not to work with that particular part of Her. When I settle into my own stillness and I listen for Her voice, what I've realized She was actually saying was, "Not yet." Now that voice has turned to, "We're getting there".
What does all of that mean? I knew that I needed to work with a Goddess who wasn't going to tell me where to go but would help me to see all the possible avenues that I might take. She's been teaching me that my own inner voice is what keeps me from considering the paths that I may take as too often I will say, "well, I can't do that because..." or "that's not possible because...". She has been showing me, all throughout this past year, how to look at a path with the thought of, "what would it look like if...?" so that I can really explore that possibility and learn from it, rather than shutting myself off before I even take the first step.
I do have to admit, I was strongly considering dedicating to Hekate during CAYA's Ordination Retreat (for those not aware, this is a time where we not only ordain our newest Wildflower Initiates but we give space for our existing ordained Clergy to make new dedications to deities or other spirits/totems/guides/etc.) In the past several months, She has been calling me to consider taking paths in my life that I DON'T overthink (Virgo) and rationalize myself out of. This has led me down another path of dedication that I have been resisting exactly because I've rationalized myself out of it (and that's another story entirely). Although I am not officially working with Hekate through a public dedication or my BRHP work, She and I have both agreed that She still has a lot to teach me. I will continue to work with Her, personally... at least for now.
In the years to come, I'm looking forward to continuing my work with Theodora as my dedicated ancestress.
For my Goddess work, I chose to work with Hekate. We've had a bit of an interesting relationship as initially my work with her came through my serving on the CAYA South Bay Full Moon Circles and the Grove of Hekate. Though I was serving Her publicly, I had always wanted to try working with Her in a more personal manner. So, when I started to try and commune with Her, I always thought that She was saying to me, "You're not mine", which would indicate to me that my personal work with Her was not to be. What I've come to learn is that Her voice, the one that speaks to me was really being obscured by the voice of Her that others hear and so, in that respect it's true that I was not to work with that particular part of Her. When I settle into my own stillness and I listen for Her voice, what I've realized She was actually saying was, "Not yet." Now that voice has turned to, "We're getting there".
What does all of that mean? I knew that I needed to work with a Goddess who wasn't going to tell me where to go but would help me to see all the possible avenues that I might take. She's been teaching me that my own inner voice is what keeps me from considering the paths that I may take as too often I will say, "well, I can't do that because..." or "that's not possible because...". She has been showing me, all throughout this past year, how to look at a path with the thought of, "what would it look like if...?" so that I can really explore that possibility and learn from it, rather than shutting myself off before I even take the first step.
I do have to admit, I was strongly considering dedicating to Hekate during CAYA's Ordination Retreat (for those not aware, this is a time where we not only ordain our newest Wildflower Initiates but we give space for our existing ordained Clergy to make new dedications to deities or other spirits/totems/guides/etc.) In the past several months, She has been calling me to consider taking paths in my life that I DON'T overthink (Virgo) and rationalize myself out of. This has led me down another path of dedication that I have been resisting exactly because I've rationalized myself out of it (and that's another story entirely). Although I am not officially working with Hekate through a public dedication or my BRHP work, She and I have both agreed that She still has a lot to teach me. I will continue to work with Her, personally... at least for now.
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